I'm putting this entirely behind a cut to avoid spoiling people. So, yeah, FYI. It's here. Wherein I talk way too much about my college experience, and discuss how Blaine is like both Pinocchio and Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. And it occurs to me that maybe, just maybe, Blaine's a real character, too.
Surprisingly, the storyline I related most to was Blaine's. I didn't expect that because I'm normally not a Blaine fangirl. I like his character enough, but only because I like what he represented for Kurt. I liked how Kurt's character grew with Blaine as a foil. And then this episode aired (well, this and last week's episode) and suddenly I'm actually looking at Blaine as a real-character instead of somebody designed to make Kurt Hummel grow and mature and live.
The thing is, I slept around in college. Not much, but I had trouble figuring out what the hell was wrong with me for not wanting a partner (of any gender). I don't regret any of the decisions I made, or any of the people I slept with, but yeah, for a good six months there I was doing the shady stuff that you always see people on TV do and as they're doing it, you yell at the screen "No! Stop! They're a serial killer!"
I did it because I didn't know who I was, and I was trying desperately to define myself by finding a person who could become it--the person who made me real, made me whole. I'd bought into the media message that people need to have partners in order to have a fulfilling life and I thought sex was a way to get that fulfilling life that I'd always dreamed about.
And when I watched last weeks episode, and tonight's episode, I can't help but think that Blaine is going through that right now. For so long he's defined himself as Kurt's partner. He transfered schools for him, was willing to give up last year's play for him, played the martyr as he sent Kurt to New York. His entire reason for being (on the show) has been for Kurt. And now he doesn't have that, and he's lost.
So he joined a bunch of clubs. Hello freshman and sophomore year of college, where I joined EVERY club on the face of the campus basically, just so I could feel like I was somebody; just so I could feel important. I remember being so overscheduled that I'd end up crying for hours and hours into my pillow and then marathon watch West Wing. I just wanted to *matter* to people, which is all Blaine wants, too.
All of this makes me wonder more and more about Blaine's backstory, though. Who raised him, how was he raised, to make him want so much to be real and yet be constantly denied everywhere he looks. What happened to his self esteem? I'm almost positive at this point he doesn't have a good relationship with his parents; I envision him getting subjected to snide comments about how his boyfriend isn't there anymore; and fighting and yelling and screaming about how Kurt still loves him because inside he's screaming it over and over again because otherwise he isn't sure if anybody does at all.
I was neglected as a child. Not horribly, but enough that its stuck with me years later. I have a completely different relationship with my parents now, but I can trace almost all of my current desires back to that fact. I can trace it back to nights where I was ignored; where nothing I did mattered; where I would steal my mom's romance novels *just* to get her attention for a little bit because negative attention was better then no attention at all. And now all I want out of life is to raise a family and let whoever I adopt *know* that I love them with all my heart. I want to build something better then what I had.
And I can't help but think once Blaine grows up, once he begins to figure out who he is independent of everything he's been using to find himself, well, he's going to have the same dream. But he has to grow up first; he has to figure out how to matter to somebody as more then just a warm body; he has to figure out that alcohol isn't going to give him the answers he's looking for (or make waking up in the morning, all alone, any easier). He has to do all of this and narratively, Glee is right for breaking him and Kurt up, because if they didn't break him and Kurt up--well--I don't think Blaine would ever become a real boy.
I want to make parallels here to Pinocchio, of all things, because Pinocchio wanted nothing more then to be real. But in order to be real he had to struggle--he had to make bad decisions and leave his safety nest and fly (or swim) and realize that everybody is essentially looking for the same thing. He has to realize that the only person with the power to make him a real boy is himself.
Maybe Dorothy is a better metaphor, though, especially given the past few seasons of Glee and the usage of the musical Wicked. Blaine has to leave his Auntie Em, he has to explore the world on his own, find new friends and battle his own problems because otherwise he's never going to realize that he is the only person who controls his destiny. Not his family, not Cooper or the Glee Club or even Kurt. He has to be the one to click his heels and wish for home; he has to be the one to take that step. And right now he's just starting to figure out where the yellow brick road is--he's nowhere near Emerald City. No where near the Wizard.
And who is Kurt in this metaphor? The wizard, of course. Because Kurt is the one that Blaine has painted as larger-than-life person. Kurt is the one Blaine see's as the answer to all of his problems. Kurt is the one that Blaine thinks will make everything better. And Kurt is just wondering how he got trapped in this reality, and how does he find his way home. How does he find his way back to the metaphorical Lima--back to where he was strong and independent and a dreamer.
Because right now he's lost his innocence, he's world weary and he can't be that and survive in New York. His mentor even told him that, right at the beginning. Isabella *told* him not to lose that which made him special. And Blaine, for better or worse, is what made Kurt special. So Kurt is definitely going to suffer while Blaine is on his journey; he's going to be tempted to step in and try to fix things--but he can't. After all, the wizard has no actual power.
Blaine has to pull the curtain back and realize this for himself. And then the two of them WILL live happily ever after. And get married by 21, legally. Because Glee is a fairytale and fairytale's have to have happy endings. It's a rule.